Let's crack right to it with the facts:
- I grew up on the Isle of Wight.
- My father left when I was barely a couple of years old.
- Until 2015, it was only my mum, sister and I.
Growing up:
- I wore my heart on my sleeve, and gave it to anyone and everyone. Bad move.
- I floated through school like a grizzly bear on a lazy river.
- I discovered Jesus Christ, who I still believe in to this day.
So these are the 'essentials' about me, and the things that have probably affected my thought processes growing up. I'll go through them point by point.
The Isle of Wight:
- As beautiful as the Isle of Wight is (I'd say it's like an isolated Cornwall), personally I feel like it was an awful place to grow up. Like I said, it's isolated from the rest of the country - a boat trip to Southampton or Portsmouth felt like a holiday!
- We didn't adopt the 'Secondary School' education system for a few years after it was introduced in most areas of the other country.
- The most glaring issue for me about growing up here is that the majority of the population, shock and horror, was white. Being a mixed-race child growing up, I had to deal with bouts of racism, along with my childhood friend who was also mixed-race. Together we were the 'token black dudes' at school. And we were the only ones for a good few years in my school as well. Along with not having much to do with my father's (black) side of the family, I had little or no connection to my black culture, and felt intimidated/unworthy when confronted with black men while growing up. I was truly indoctrinated with white culture, which I never saw as a problem from a personal viewpoint, but the things I could have learned if my father was around, I do see as a problem.
Only One Parent:
- I was the man of the family. I felt responsible for keeping my mum happy while she worked endlessly for my sister and I. She was my best friend and still is, and contrary to what people may think, I never felt pressured growing up as it was the norm for as long as I can remember. But perhaps it did have lasting effects subliminally in the back of my brain?
- I never had a father influence growing up, meaning I missed out on a lot of 'father-son' things that may have greatly affected how I turned out as a man today.
My Mum Married:
- In 2015, my mum finally married the man who is now my father-in-law. A fantastic man may I add. I vividly remember feeling a great burden lifted off my shoulders at the wedding reception, so perhaps I did carry a cross on my shoulders growing up that was related to the pressures of feeling like I had to look after my mum. But maybe the lasting effects of this are what stemmed out to become my depression?
My Heart Got Broke. A Lot:
- "Oh good, a sop story. Like everyone doesn't already have one." Yeah I know, but it's probably something that contributes to my values nowadays. I always fell head over heels for the wrong type of girls in school. Took advantage of, cheated on, blah blah blah. This carried on well into my uni-days, and I can't be anymore thankful to my beautiful fiancée for coming into my life when she did, else I'd probably be in an even worse mental state!
Floating Along...:
- Like I've said a few times in these blog posts, I floated along the river of education at my own pace. I never really cared about A*s, I just wanted to pass and see where it got me, as long as I could be with my mates along the way. The social aspect of school is what kept me interested, whilst a later love and fascination of graphic design got me hooked on wanting to pursue it and its branches as a career option. But alas, teachers would always tell me I can always 'do better' and that I had a lot of untapped potential, even though I was passing my classes and was a generally good student.
- Compared to a lot of my other friends who were getting the top grades, were doing the extra-curricular activities and achieving more, I felt completely out-classed, but instead of letting it openly get me down, I accepted it and my position as 'average'. Should I have done that?
My Faith in Christ:
- Becoming a Christian was a big turning point in my overview of life. I had always been brought up with Christian values, being in a Christian family, but never really got it. To be honest, I've only really just started to get it very recently. But I truly discovered my faith in my mid-teens. You could call it an epiphany, which I won't go into detail about. But this faith has constantly grounded me when I feel extremely low. It is something that I fall back on when my depression is at its worst, and when external influence isn't helping me out a bunch.
- My Christian values are definitely apparent in my everyday life and actions - I believe that sharing is caring, and others should be treated with respect just as you would like to be treated.
No matter the race, gender or circumstances of ones birth, we are all human. We all shed the same red blood.
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