As I have continuously talked about in these blog posts, self-esteem, self-worth and the lack of the two are problems that I face with myself daily. It affects my motivation, makes me lazy and easily distracted, and makes me postpone/quit a project at any hurdle which requires excess stress.
In a book named: Self-Esteem Research, Theory, and Practice : Toward a Positive Psychology of Self-Esteem (Third Edition), by Christopher J. Mruk (December 1st 2006), Mruk states in the first few pages of the book that self-esteem can be found at every stage of the human behaviour continuum. Low self-esteem "is often mentioned in regard to various mental disorders, such as depression, anxiety and learning problems", while the middle ground relates to "ordinary problems of living', such as ‘…difficulties dealing with failure, losses, and other setbacks that are sure to challenge most of us during the course of our lives". Finally, Mruk claims that on the opposite end of the continuum, self-esteem is "…often talked about in relation to such things as being mentally healthy, successful, living effectively, and even “the good life”’.
In relation to my life, I personally feel as if these statements are all-in-all very true.
Where-as I don't suffer from anxiety attacks nor have any learning disabilities, I do suffer from depression, which, based on this continuum, is a product of or is a reason for my low-esteem. I also have difficulty dealing with failure, which I only ever seem to come across when I aim too high like an optimist and realise I'm not all too special. It sends me back to Earth, and re-establishes my low self-esteem.
In a later chapter, Mruk mentions: “Self-esteem is understood as consisting of competence, worthiness, and the relationship between them”. My lack of worthiness comes from being easily shot down when I finally feel competent enough for a task, and fail. Instead of bouncing back, finding positivity in the situation, I settle back into my comfortable hole of mediocrity, knowing where my talents lie and refusing to overshoot the mark for long periods of time.
In relation to my design processes, this may translate to trying to move away from the Adobe Suit and digital design, creating a subpar design in this way, and refusing to find other pathways and reverting back to my safe haven - digital design.
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